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The following was part of a presentation given at a retreat with the topic of ‘Does God Exist?’ For the sake of privacy, some names and other details have been changed.
When Fr. Justin first emailed me about being a guest speaker for an upcoming retreat, he began by writing, "I was praying on it and..." Well, a little advice here folks; whenever Fr. Justin starts out by saying he was praying on something, it’s time to pay attention. I've known him since he was zero and there's a very good chance of some divine inspiration in play when that happens. That's all I'm going to say. This might also help to explain why, despite him sending this invitation to an old email account I almost never open along with it landing in my junk mail folder, somehow, it still found its way to my attention. Go figure. So I’m reading through and thinking to myself, “Okay, it’s a mission from God. I got it. Let’s do this. Now, what's the subject matter? Oh, I see it here. ‘DOES GOD EXIST’?” So, light topic then. Let me get this straight just so we’re clear. Fr. Justin prays to God about giving a talk on whether or not He exists and that’s where I come in? Anything else? Oh, I’m giving my presentation first? Well of course I am and here we are (big breath).
Now before we begin, let me make clear that I am no expert and am very much on this journey alongside all of you. Despite being blessed with such close counsel as my brother, I have no particular kind of formal certification or authority on these matters as such; so I would defer to Fr. Justin to clarify any instances where I may fall off the doctrinal rails so to speak. Perhaps a courtroom-like objection, motion to strike for heresy or something to that effect may become appropriate or necessary at some point. That being said, I'll try my best to stay on point and hopefully stir some fertile ground for later discussion.
So let’s start out today by talking about faith as a construct. While debate about God, religion and the origins of the universe have raged on for centuries straight through to the present day, there seems to be a relatively high level of consensus on one area in particular; human beings appear to be hard-wired for faith and have been throughout our known history. We've seen it expressed in primitive art, architecture, ancient ceremony and certainly throughout the written record. We can feel it when stare into a campfire or look up at the stars; when we gaze into a child's eyes or bury our dearly departed. We sense there’s something more, something deeper, some meaning we need to pursue. While arguments abound regarding potential sources of this phenomena, I have to say, it strikes me a fascinating and most peculiar characteristic for any creature to possess; suspiciously so I would suggest. People of faith will naturally point to this as supportive of their belief in God, showcasing a real life sensible revelation of God's signature. Atheists, however, reject the very concept of God as impossible on its face and so will only consider explanations which reside outside the idea of a Creator. This may involve theories about culture, Darwinian natural selection, genetics or the like, any or all of which may be fruitful endeavors of study to be sure; but there is an impasse with atheism on being open to the possibility of God which is why I think we often pray that God will reveal Himself more directly to those closed to His presence.
So is it logical to believe in God? Do we have to toss aside our sense of reason in order to make way for faith in the Almighty? These are fair questions. Let’s really think about that. Now, no discussion about the existence of God would be complete without noting Thomas Aquinas' famous 5 proofs. While admittedly underqualified to do so, I'm actually going to attempt to paraphrase most of them from my own lay person point of view. If I’m blessed enough to run into St. Thomas in the afterlife, I’ll be sure to apologize. You see, for me, much of what Aquinas delves into is connected with the idea that everything in the universe comes from somewhere and so logically there must necessarily be some eternal uncreated Creator existing outside the universe who started the ball rolling so to speak. While certainly a powerful and rich source of study on its own, my experience has been that when asked how this ‘uncaused cause’ argument reconciles with the Big Bang outside of any God concept, most atheists will concede that while they can't presently explain how it all just sort of came into being, they just don't accept, or I would argue, even consider a God-based view. Again, atheism rejects the very concept of God at the onset; therefore, in their view, some other answer must exist regardless of whatever logical arguments are put forth to the contrary.
So let's talk about intelligent design; and I think in order to do that we have to get into some of the science. Let me also just concede for all the science buffs out there that you may well find my descriptions to be lacking. I have an interest in the subject but am by no means an astrophysicist or other such expert myself so your latitude here is much appreciated since the concepts themselves will hold for this discussion. Firstly, we realize that in the scientific age, our understanding of reality evolves and we don't even have to go back to the days when everyone thought the earth was flat to find pertinent examples. New discoveries happen every day that change our perception and understanding of the universe. I mentioned the Big Bang earlier. Did you know that many modern scientists stand baffled as to how it's possible that the universe is not either flying apart or crashing into itself? It's been described by some as nothing short of a miracle, not unlike balancing a pencil on its tip or throwing a ball into the air that should either escape the earth’s gravitation and keep going or come crashing back down to earth; but instead it just hangs there; and it's been doing this for over 13.8 billion years. Black holes used to be considered radical theory; undetectable directly and only proven to exist indirectly by their effect on neighboring celestial bodies. In fact, it's now believed that most galaxies are anchored by a combination of super massive black holes and yet another undetectable material theorized as dark matter. The Higgs Boson Particle, otherwise and probably inappropriately nicknamed the 'God Particle' was confirmed in 2012 using the Large Hadron Collider; a massive circular structure that smashes atoms together to figure out how they work. While I don’t quite grasp all the intricacies involved, my general understanding is that the Higgs Boson describes the interaction that gives things mass; and traditionally, having some sort of mass has been the basis for what makes a thing – a thing. So rather than things having ‘inherent mass’, it seems that it could be an attributed feature theoretically subject to manipulation given the right circumstances, knowledge and/or technology. Quantum theory suggests some things can exist in multiple locations at the same time and particles can become 'entangled' such that they can affect each other even when separated by many galaxies; something Einstein himself described as 'spooky' which is an interesting choice of words from the good Doctor. The Human Genome Project, the mapping of our immensely complex DNA, and even string theory has some serious notable scientists drawing strong comparisons to intelligently designed computer code. Even some of atheism's most prominent voices concede that the universe appears to be finely tuned to an exquisite degree across many independent variables whereby even minute changes in any one of them should render our world inoperable.
Back in the 1950s, a prominent Nobel Prize winning scientist named George Wald wrote a couple of interesting things on the topic. He stated, "Time is the hero of the plot. Given enough time anything can happen. The impossible becomes probable, the improbable becomes certain.” Similarly, he attributed this same, as yet unknown, but presumed to be massive time scale to the seemingly impossible rise of life; in his own words, "The reasonable view was to believe in spontaneous generation; the only alternative, to believe in a single, primary act of supernatural creation. There is no third position." And as one might expect, since that time science has made great progress with regard to our understanding on the origins of the universe. Here we revisit the Big Bang or, as Stephen Hawking would say, 'a singularity' which, according to modern theory, says that the universe started off with a bang about 13.8 billion years ago; please pardon the pun. Okay, so what's the problem? Well, as it turns out, a great many people much more mathematically inclined than anyone I know have crunched the numbers and stated plainly, there's nowhere near enough time for this finely tuned universe, much less life, much less intelligent life to have manifest by chance alone. While the known time scale may help explain individual subsets of chance relative to solar system formation, planetary or even Darwinian species development on earth over time, it cannot cope with the fine tuning observed in the universe as a whole system. There is simply not enough time. So having found that time is in fact not the 'hero of the plot' but rather represents an acutely pernicious foe, proponents of the 'happened by chance' theory have been forced to adopt, with no supporting evidence mind you, a rather extravagant hypothesis whereby there may exist an infinite number of randomly ordered parallel universes or a multiverse if you will, of which our universe is but a member. And the concept goes that somewhere in this great ensemble of worlds such a finely tuned universe will occur by chance alone and we just happen to reside in one such place. Perhaps, but now who seems to be on the run from reason here?
Again, I'm not a scientist myself and am not claiming to have necessarily proven anything or resolved the debate once and for all here today; believe me, it will go onward; but let's just review at least a few things I think we can reasonably glean from science:
- Humans are remarkably unique among the planet's inhabitants and appear to possess a veritably universal innate drive towards the divine.
- DNA sequencing bears a striking resemblance to intelligently designed computer code.
- The universe was created roughly 13.8 billion years ago and has many independent variables finely tuned to an acute precision that both keeps it in-tact and permits life.
- The estimated age of the universe is wholly incompatible with theories proposing random chance alone to explain its current state, much less how life could spontaneously generate from non-living material.
- What we have historically regarded as the substance or mass of things themselves may be subject to change through discoveries relating to quantum theory.
- Not only are invisible, undetectable things real, but they can be massive and abundant in nature. They may be in multiple locations at the same time and share 'spooky' connections regardless of time and space.
Stop me when any of this starts to sound familiar.
Now to be sure, the scientific approach has limitations. God cannot be studied under a microscope and that's frustrating for many people in today’s world. Even if we haven’t felt it ourselves at some point, we’ve all encountered those who question or in some cases firmly deny the existence of God and as you might imagine, it usually leads to this sort of quasi scientific and/or philosophical type of debate. And what I often experience is a general attempt to sort of over simplify or reduce down these many complex ideas into some logical impasse or otherwise question specific tenets of the faith to try and find that lynch pin upon which the entire house of cards supposedly rests. How can God allow evil to befall the innocent? How do you explain transubstantiation? How can God be all-knowing if we have free will? And honestly, I can appreciate their frustration when I invariably veer toward some declaration of my own ignorance on these matters, possible institutional imperfections within the Church, historical distortions or even our own limited capacity as humans to understand these mysteries fully. I do get why it’s often seen as a cop out; an awfully convenient way to evade the issue or dodge doubt through abstraction. Let’s face it, throughout time there have been many misconceptions about God. Consider the Greeks, the Romans, the Aztecs and many more. And just as with science or philosophy, as faith matures, it looks for more precision. I’m on that journey as well. I don't expect to have all the answers. I don’t expect anyone on earth to have all the answers. But, cynicism aside, that doesn't mean it isn't rational or for that matter correct to cite the many reasons absolute confirmation of this truth evades us. After all, don’t we now live in a world where it’s hard to know what to believe on nearly any topic worthy of debate? If an Angel of the Lord came down from Heaven and landed on the White House lawn, do you really think that’d be sufficient to satisfy the collective skepticism of non-believers? Or might we instead hear about all the ways such an event could be faked using modern technology? Is it unreasonable to suggest that there could be divine method behind all this mystery? After all, it seems quite clear Christ wants us to choose God of our own free will. How often have we heard some reference to the journey being of greater value than the destination; the struggle revealing more than the prize? Have you never held back a bit of knowledge for good reason in your own life?
It’s often said that children are more in tune with their instincts. In fact, they’re practically ruled by them if you’ve ever been to my house around bedtime. Of course, as we get beyond childhood we tend to abandon this practice in favor of a more reasoned approach to life. But I think as the years go on, something interesting tends to happen. I think we begin to re-connect with our instincts a bit having gained hard-earned and sometimes even painful experience from those times we doubted them. How often do we find ourselves lamenting in retrospect not having listened to our gut on some matter only to have paid a hefty price for it? Frankly, I’m not entirely convinced that my instincts don’t have a better track record than my brain truth be told. While I suppose in the end it’s all about balance, I do often find myself in this space while discussing God’s existence. I’ll simply ask the question, “So, when you look around at all you see, do you actually think to yourself, ‘Yep, nothing to see here… just random chance… atoms bumping into each other… nothing more’?” All this life, insects buzzing, birds chirping, chimps climbing trees, humans controlling a rover on Mars and you really think I’m being ridiculous to suggest design? Really? Do you honestly think Saint Thomas Aquinas was lacking in intellect, Saint John Paul II was a loveable fool and Saint Theresa was merely delusional? Do you really think you’re here by chance? That this is the result of accident alone? Can’t you see it? Can’t you feel it?
Einstein once wrote, “The only thing incomprehensible about the universe is that it’s comprehensible.” But even if you don't accept the existence of God, conceptually you would have to recognize that, at least in theory, a being so advanced, so complex, so intelligent, so powerful as to be capable of creating this finely tuned universe is pretty well out of our league to understate it enormously, right? Not just some measure of better but infinitely great by comparison, no? And so by definition that's impossible to wrap your head around completely. You cannot put that into a box. So let's try something a little closer to home and by that I mean, of course, the common tree squirrel. Yes, I did say squirrel. Now compared to the vast chasm that necessarily separates our human capacity for understanding to any God construct, why even in planetary terms, much less on a cosmological level, we're practically biological cousins with the squirrel. We’re standing right next to each other on the evolutionary scale. So let’s suppose you were to coax that squirrel down from its perch with peanuts or something and you managed to get its attention for a while. Just how much of your own understanding of the world do you think you'd be able to convey to that animal? Could you get it to understand how you heat your house? What's lies beyond the sky? Your car? Your computer? The internet? Quantum theory? Isn't it just staggering how much more you understand than this not so distant creature? Is it so unreasonable then to accept that there is great mystery to God; that while we may lack the capacity to totally know the truth or reduce it all down to simple formulas within our grasp, God still invites us to delve into knowledge of His infinite being. We can know a lot my friends, just not everything.
While it's certainly evolved over time, in my own journey I’ve always been comfortable with the science angle, intelligent design theory, uncaused cause, biblical history, etc. I think you can tell I’ve got some passion about these things and I never really struggled with the idea that my own capacity to understand God must necessarily be limited. The surrender never bothered me. And so I suppose you could say that I’ve always technically or perhaps even scientifically held onto my faith; but for a great many years I didn't engage it. In a sense, I could say that I felt sort of loosely tethered to my faith; orbiting it from a distance without ever really coming down and living in it if that makes sense. In fact, when I had once posted a prayer online for another brother of ours who was facing a health crisis, a friend of mine who had only really known me during these more ‘secularized’ years reacted with great surprise at my post along with a fair amount of derision. And it occurred to me that not only did someone close to me for many years not see Christ active in my life, but he was left with at least some impression that I didn't really buy into all that nonsense. Talk about a wake-up call.
All that changed many years ago when I was asked to give what might be analogous to a sort of best man's speech at the ordination for a strapping young seminarian about to take his final vows into the priesthood. I was nervous and for the first time that I can remember, I prayed directly to the Holy Spirit asking for courage, for strength and for wisdom. In fact, I had a date lined up in Chicago the night before I flew back to my home town with a nice south side Irish girl named Claire. And of course when you have a sibling in the clergy it's not uncommon to mention this fact when you need to quickly assure somebody you're not some kind of homicidal maniac. In any event, she actually helped me with the speech over dinner. It was good first date. So after the ceremonies, I deliver the address and I can say with confidence that the Holy Spirit was indeed with me that day. Afterward and in passing, I mentioned this girl Claire to Fr. Justin who promptly declared in unwavering certainty, “You're going to marry that girl.” “Hey now little brother,” I replied. “It's one date. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here.” So after the ceremonies, our mother informed me that there's some kind of rule or clause or something which states that if you attend a priest's first mass after ordination and go to confession within 2 weeks you get a plenary indulgence; or as I understood it, a ‘super reconciliation’. And of course after much procrastination, on the last qualifying day 2 weeks later, there I sat in my office on Michigan Avenue back in Chicago looking up the nearest church mumbling to myself, “I guess I've got no good excuse not to do this.” Eventually, I found a listing for this little unassuming Church within reasonable walking distance called Assumption Church on Illinois Street and I headed on over. Soon I found myself nervously pacing back and forth outside the church for what seemed like an eternity wringing my hands and contemplating what I was going to say. “Do I even remember what to do? Maybe I should just bail. You can't bail. You have got to do this.” And so I went in.
Upon entering the confessional, I explained to the attending priest that I hadn't been to confession in about 15 years and so in the interest of time, it might be more efficient to relay all the sins that I hadn’t committed. This got a little chuckle and I think helped break the tension a bit. In the course of our remaining exchange, I confessed that my life felt vapid, vacuous and empty. I stated that wanted to come back to Christ; to lead a more wholesome, good life that was more reflective of His teachings and mission for me. Without getting into too many details and in order to keep from becoming overwhelmed with emotion here, I’ll just tell you that my priest did assure me that I had taken an important and momentous first step back to Christ. And I have to tell you folks, I felt like a million dollars walking back to work. The birds were singing, the sun was shining and I just can’t imagine what my coworkers must have thought watching me skip around the office that day. More importantly though, from that point forward, slowly but surely I began to find my way back to the Church, to the sacraments and through prayer, back to a more direct relationship with Jesus Christ. And after a couple years, you’d better believe I got down on one knee atop the Hancock building in downtown Chicago and I did ask that girl to marry me just as my brother had foreseen with such mysterious clarity years before.
Of course, being the type-A planner she is, my then fiancé immediately went about setting the stage for what would assuredly be a fairly large wedding celebration. We wanted a venue where our guests would not have to travel to the various stages of the event; and of course there were budgetary constraints to consider as well. So after an exhaustive search, my fiancé' gleefully announced that she had found the perfect place, the Holiday Inn at the Merchandise Mart. They weren’t too pricey. It's right downtown. They've got a big reception room in the lower floor; and get this, there's a beautiful quaint little church just around the corner on Illinois Street where we can have the ceremony. Imagine that. And so on a beautiful fall day in Chicago, I found myself back at Assumption Church before God, family and friends where Fr. Justin presided over our wedding. Since that time we've welcomed 3 beautiful children into this world. Although there have been and will continue to be many trials before us, God is at the center of our family. Through Jesus Christ, our faith permeates every fabric of our lives.
And so I share this story not as any sort of self-aggrandizement. The Lord knows full well I am a fallen creature as are we all. And Fr. Justin definitely knows this about me. Rather, my wish is to deliver a message of hope to the atheist, the agnostic and all those who struggle as so many of us do. You need not abandon science and reason in order to open yourself up to God. Far from it. But those things will only get you to God's doorstep. And so as you frantically pace back and forth outside of God's house in your own life, I would encourage you to accept His invitation and go on inside. And when He taps on your shoulder, I think you'll find your world, indeed our world, will never be the same again.
I want to thank you all for your time here today and give thanks to the Holy Spirit for His continued presence in our lives.